How I Define Success

Two weeks ago I went on a cruise and as part of that cruise decided to go on an excursion zip-lining in Belize. Now at the time we signed up for this adventure, after the cocktail party, it seemed like a great idea. But as I said to my Husband in the cold light of sobriety the next morning, “What were we thinking?” I tried to reason with him that I should just stay on the ship and he and the girls should go. He would have none of it. I tried to suggest that I didn’t feel well (and I didn’t thinking of what I was about to endure) but again to no avail. He reminded me we’d spent $150 a pop to go but despite that I really, really did not want to go. I’m afraid of heights. I’m afraid of snakes. He said, “Gale they can’t MAKE you zip line.” I said, “Yes, they can.” He said, “Nobody can make YOU do something you don’t want to.” So eventually I stopped talking about it and trudged along anxiety ridden but seemingly unable to stop my eventual doom. On the bus ride to the jungle the Guides claimed that this was the longest, tallest zip-line in the world. They actually bragged about this. I sort of got into a zone like when I was in labor with my daughters. I told myself in a matter of hours I’d be back on the bus alive and heading back to the ship. I was not enthusiastic but quiet, reserved and alternatively mad at myself and my Husband. The lady next to me told me that on this one you have to jump off the side of a mountain. I thought to myself there is no way I can jump or step off a mountain or ledge. There is no way I can take an affirmative step towards this. When we got there we had to climb the equivalent of 8 stories to reach the side of the mountain to start the trip. By now I’m sweating profusely, out of breath and literally sick. They showed us how to stop the zip-line with our hands. “Pay attention not to put your hand in front of the zip or it’ll cut your fingers off.” They were serious. “Pay attention not to put your hand on the top line because it’ll cut your forearm.” Great, I thought. I was worried about the children remembering all of this but then they said the kids are light enough they don’t have to brake which let me revert to worrying about my own imminent dismemberment or death. As we stood on the last stairs before we “took off” I doubled over so nervous I really thought I would vomit. My Husband zipped away seeming unfazed. Then my youngest went. My worry turned to deep sadness. But I love her so, I thought. Next our older daughter went. I was resigned to fate at this point. When it was my turn the Guide put the hook from my waist on the line then the other from my chest. He told me to put my hands on the strap, no need to brake on this one and to relax, sit down. When I sat gravity took hold and I was off. Of course, I didn’t realize that was going to happen and so I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs the entire zip. I screamed as I crashed into the poor Guide on the other side. At least I didn’t have to jump off a cliff I thought. When I managed to stand up I realized I was on a grate maybe 4 feet by 8 feet long fastened to the side of the mountain by a wooden triangle. Also on this grate were my Husband and my daughters and 2 Guides. How much weight can this think hold? I thought. Just as my panic set in I saw our friend Teresa zipping to our ledge followed by our friend Tom. The Guide was trying to send my Husband on to the next platform but there was some problem. It seemed we were suspended there together for a long time though I am sure it was a matter of seconds. And what stopped us from toppling off this ledge? A little rope attached to the mountain to which our hook was attached. What am I doing here? What the heck?, I thought. Off to the next one and then the next. There were 6 zips in a row. As I approached the 3rd platform the Guide yelled, “Brake! Brake!” His eyes were bulging out of his head. I tried to brake. It didn’t seem to take. I crashed into him going 100 miles an hour, probably cracked his ribs. On the next zip I tried to brake better but still no results. When I crashed the Guide said “Lady, you very lucky. You put your hand on the top line. Could cut and burn your arm.” So I gave up. I just to barreled into the Guides and hope for the best. In route to #5 the Guides called back and forth to one another in a foreign language. There was clearly a problem. Great I thought. Just great. Then my petrification turned to an awful thought. My daughter was in front of me. Was she hurt? No time to think, the Guide got the go ahead and set me on my way. When I landed my legs were mushy with fear. The Guide yelled at me to “Stand up, ma’am!” “Hurry, big snake lady!” Oh great. Just great. I stood and tried to “hurry” but I didn’t know where the snake was and I didn’t want to find out. Later I was told he was literally just below my feet underneath the grate where I stood. When we were done with our last one I said, “Really, that’s it?” My kids laughed. I could not believe what we just did. Still can’t to a certain extent. That was one of the most difficult, scary, exhilarating things I have ever done ever: I overcame my fear of heights, snakes, death and injury of me and my family. That was success!